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Healing the Wounds from an Absent Father

The book, The Artist's Daughter, opens when Alexandra Kuykendall met her father for the first time when she was 8 years old. Up till that point, she had been travelling around with her mom, moving from country to country.

As an 8 year old girl who hasn't met her father, she had this big question mark - who is he? More importantly, she held the hope that from this point forward, they are going to have a relationship. But things didn't quite worked out that way.

The Desire to be Noticed

Alexandra's mother wants to live her life and not wait around for a man to make her happy, but Alexandra had a romantic vision as a girl, "I want a man."

That's probably a result of growing up without a father in her life.

There is this constant desire to be noticed and be pursued by a man. A father plays a unique role in a girl's life. He tells her her value.

If he is missing, then a girl is left with the questions of "who am I?" and "where do I find my value?" Then as a young woman, she might start looking for men's affection or looking to excel in her performance in order to prove that she is worth attention.

Truth is, we ARE worth God's attention. We do not have to go out and prove it. God is there with His eyes on you all the time.

Girls with absent fathers

A guest speaker that Alexandra brought in for one of the Mother of Preschoolers meetings was teaching about sexual development for kids. One of the question raised was, "What about my relationship with my son?"

Thus it opened up the flow of the conversation to talk about opposite gender parents.

She said, "For girls, a dad is very important. If the father is absent, there's 2 ways that it tends to go. Either she tends to look for love in the wrong places, or through perfectionism."

Bam! It hit home hard for Alexandra.

All through her teenage life, she had been trying to put together a perfect package, trying to prove that she is indeed lovable.

Now, as she is growing and maturing, she lives under a different motto: Do what only you can do.

Do what God has created you to do. It's a call and a purpose that is uniquely yours. Ask God what it is, whether it is at home or at work.

"Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me." (Psalm 27:10)

For a copy of The Artist's Daughter, please visit Crossroads eStore.

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